Oh, please be here for me!!!

The requirements for adopting from Russia were quite daunting to be sure.  I remember the first time I recieved the e-mail with all the required documents attached, I almost gave up on the spot.  To add to the "pleasure" of getting all these documents (which all have to be precisicly done with no errors in spelling or facts or wording and be signed in front of a notary in blue ink and dated correctly) many of the documents had a 3 month expiration date.  So once you begin you have to constantly be redoing documents until they are all done at once and can be sent to Russia.  For instance, we had to be fingerprinted 5 different times throughout the process.
It was such a relief to finally have all the paperwork done.  Getting on the plane to fly to Russia to meet our hoped for daughter was such a relief.  (Until I had relaxed enough and than I started getting anxious about our first meeting! Ha)  
But one thing that had not ever entered my mind was, how will the other children react to us being there? Will they be mad at our daughter for getting parents?  Would they be mean to her?  Would they want to interact with us?  Or would the staff members keep the other children stictly out of our way?  Or would the other children see us as simply "vistors" and not take much thought to us otherwise?
Once we arrived in Russia, it was discovered that two of our documents were not acceptable because they had just expired. (Not really sure where communication had broken down on that one.  But it was a costly and very stressful mistake!)  So once again we had to get more documents, but with the added stress and complication of being in Russia and the documents had to be done in the United States.  Finally after 7 days the documents arrived in Russia.  And we were given permission to meet Z for the first time. 
We arrived at the orphanage and after meeting the director and being interviewed by the social worker, we were told that Z's groupa (the group of children she lived with in one section of the orphanage) would perform several songs for us so that we could observe Z in a relaxed setting.  We were not allowed to take pictures.  But let me assure you, the performance was so precious.  The Russians know how to sing and perform!  The children were all 5 or 6 years olds who knew how to sing out loudly and clearly and enthusiasticly.  After performing, the group was ushered out of the room.  The orphanage director called Z over to us so we could just meet her very briefly face to face. (At this point the children had just been told vistors were there but not why the vistors had come.)  Z stopped in front of us, but so did 2 of her groupmates.  And I knew instantly that I was in trouble emotionally. Those 3 were so charming and cute and interacted so nicely.  And I wanted to be the mother of all three!!! (Later I found out that Trent had felt the same way.)  
Besides Z there was her best friend D ( a girl) and A (a boy).  The director was asking the three children questions and they would answer (which was being translated for us).  But it was D who about made me come unglued.  For when I looked into her eyes, I saw the most longing, pleading look I have ever been given.  She was telling me with her eyes that she wanted to belong.  Her eyes were telling me, "please be here for me.  I will be a good daughter.  I want to be your little girl.  I want to belong."
That first interaction was very brief.  We came back later in the day to  start our official meetings with Z.  We played with her for a couple hours and than it was time for her to eat, so we took her back to her groupa.  When we saw D, in the groupa room, she refused to look at us.  In fact we came to visit for 5 days and she didn't even look at us directly until the last day, and even than it was with totally different eyes.  This time her eyes were saying, "you weren't here for me.  I have been rejected again.  How could you not be here for me?  What's wrong with me?  I could have been a good daughter too.  I could have loved you. I want to belong!!!"
And I have not really recovered from that look since. Gifts for Dads

Will the Judge say "Yes" Part 2

November 21, 2011.  Trent and I had hardly slept the night before.  We woke up extra early and again we prayed and sang and claimed bible promises.  Many questions reverberated around our heads.  Would the Judge grill us again.  Would he just outright say no to our petition to adopt Z?  Would we have gotten Z's hopes up for a family only to have them dashed?  Would we have wasted the last 17 months of our time and thousands of dollars in the bid to give this girl the "belonging" that she deserved?
Again slowly the time rolled around for us to go to the court.  I was so nervous I could hardly even walk.  My heart felt like a drum beating against my chest.  I was sure everyone could hear it.  But once again as we waited for the Judge to arrive and I wispered my prayer I felt that God was saying "Peace, be still."  My heart beat slowly calmed and the nervous twitch in my hands was stilled.
The Judge entered, started with a small verbal review of our case and why we had returned.  He ased if the Prosecuting attorney had any further questions. (Which he did not.)  He asked if we had any further things which we wanted to say.  Which I stood and made a statement.   He than started reading through the 4 inch stack of our dossier (packets of documents required by the Russian authorities to support our petition to adopt and proving we have satisfied the requirements of the Russian adoption law) which now was much thicker due to the translation of each paper being placed with it.  And for the next 45 min.  He pretty much read through every paper.  
Again he asked the 3 officials who needed to testify, to do so.
And than he had us again state our petition.  He walked out and 5 minuets later returned and had us stand as he declared we were now the legal parents of Zarina.
Relief flooded our hearts as we eagerly looked forward with telling Z the good news!  She did belong to somebody!  She would get to escape the outcome of the children who are not adopted into families.  Opportunities abound for her to excell and overcome her status as "orphan."  She would no longer have to present (as an adult) her national ID that would always identify her as from an orphanage.  She would not have to become a statistic of prosititution, drugs, theivery,  instabilty, homelessness, joblessness or suicide.
She belonged!

To belong or not to belong.... that is the question!

I won't be telling you today all the factors that went into this decision on my part, but lets just say that I grew up with the certainty I did not want to get married.  Sure as I got older and my friends talked about who they liked and wanted to date, I can't say I wasn't attracted to that whole idea.  Sure I wanted someone to like me.  Sure I wanted a boyfriend to dote on me and take me places etc. etc.  But to actually marry?  Whew, that was another thing altogether.  And I was adamant that no male would take advantage of me in any way.
But as I entered into adulthood and especially once I started Graduate School, I realized living alone could be, well... lonely.  I did want to belong with someone.  And I wanted someone to belong with me.  But then my resolve would come up and I would say to myself that I did not need THAT to be happy.  But my prayers started including the idea that if God had someone in mind that He knew would be the perfect match than He would have to throw that person in my path because I wasn't going out looking.
And since you have already seen the picture of my family you know that family includes a husband.  I can honestly say that God has a wonderful way of bringing about His perfect plans. Did I understand or hop on board to His plans easily or immediately?  NO.  Of course, I had my ideas and they didn't line up with the plan God started to unveil to me.  You want me to belong with him, God?  But, but I don't know him and he just doesn't look like the perfect one.  But God gently led down that path anyway.  
After 18 years of marriage I can look back and say with 100% assurance that God's plan is always best.  My husband and I often tell each other that we are SO glad God knew we belonged together!  I shudder to think of living my life without this man with me.  No, I didn't need to be married to do God's will.  No, I didn't need to be married to be happy.  But God knew that if I was with this man that He could use him to bless me immeasurably and abundantly above anything I could have thought possible.  He knew the healing my heart needed.  He knew that with that healing I would become even more useful in His service.  And he knew the healing that my husband needed and that he could use me to do that healing.
We belong together!  Thank you God!!!

                                                   

                                         December 18, 2012    Our 18th Wedding Anniversary

We belong together!

December 30, 2011. Z saying goodbye to her group mate and her caretakers. Oh, how I wish sweet A could have come home with us too. Z and A had been in the same baby home and then the same children's home together. When we met Z for the first time, the orphanage director called Z over to meet us and A came along (although I don't think the director's intent was for him to come). And from the moment we met them, Trent and I wished A could belong to us also. After we came home with Z, we hoped and prayed that someday we could go back for A. Now thanks to politics between the US and Russia, there is a ban on Americans adopting from Russia. Oh, sweet boy. We pray often for you. We pray God will send someone to adopt you. We long for you to know you belong. Not only do you belong to a family, but that you belong to God! We pray for your protection against bullies and adults who would hurt you.

Will the Judge say "Yes"?

                                                 

                                                                "Mama do I belong?"

The date was October 27, 2011.  My husband and I woke up early.  We always begin our day with prayer together.  But this morning we had a much longer and intense time of prayer.  For this was the day.  The day a Judge would decide if he agreed that Z belonged in our family.  
We were so nervous.  We kept praying and reading promises from our Father to us.  Promises like:  "and  I will be with you even until the end of the world."  Or, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  "Do not be afraid nor dismayed for the battle is not yours but God's."  We also sang praises to God.  
Finally the time came to stand before the Judge.  We had spent months supplying document after document to satisfy the requirements of the Russian government.  In fact, we ended up with a stack almost 4 inches thick of documents.  Would it be enough we wondered?
The Judge began to question Trent.  And in fact questioned him at length.  The Attorney representing the interests of the child, also began to question Trent. They seemed the most disturbed about the fact that we homeschooled our older 2 children.  What could be the motive to do such a thing.  They felt there had to be some deviant or sinsiter motive.  Finally, they began to question me.  Then they started questioning Trent again.
After close to 2 hours they let the orphanage director state her opinion on the matter, the Ministry of Education represenative and the cities social worker.  The first two gave affirmation to our petition to adopt.  But the social worker did not.  We were told that it is the official position of the city to be against foreign adoption of their children.
The Judge again began to question us.  This time about the three objections that the social worker had raised.  Also I saw him reach for his calendar.  I had been praying the whole time that my husband was being questioned.  And I redoubled my prayers when I saw him reach for his calendar.
For whatever reason, God allowed the Judge to require us to come back to court a second time.
Wow, were we ever stressed at this point.  Russia isn't exactly a hop and a skip from where we live!  Not to mention we already were being required to complete the adoption in 4 trips.  Now we had to add a fifth.
The picture above is actually after court.  We tried to stay cheerful for Z's sake.  She didn't understand what it all meant.  
We told her we would be back and try again.

A Father's Invitation

I remember well the first time he came to sit on my lap. Just a little, adorable 3 year old who liked to talk non-stop (never even seeming to realize I had limited understanding of all he was talking about!) I was a missionary in South Korea and one of the many things included in our fun was to go to a local orphanage to show love to the children. Every 5 or 6 weeks my fellow teachers and I made our way by city bus to the orphanage. And each time my little 3 year old friend would come to sit on my lap and tell me how his life had been since I had seen him last. I learned his sad story of abandonment. Left on a beach as if he were just a useless old sack. How I longed to be able to take away that shame and fear and sorrow that he possessed. If only I could adopt him as mine. But sadly it could not be. I was not old enough to adopt by the laws of the United States. And I still had to finish my university degree before I could get a job.
However, with little realization by me, a seed had fallen on the soil of my heart. Placed there by the One who knows and sees all. One who had the ultimate everlasting love. One who invented adoption Himself. Adoption of any and all who would accept His invitation to become His daughters and sons.
Many years removed from that experience in South Korea, my husband and I began to talk about the fact we still would like one more child. The seed that had been planted in my heart so many years before began to sprout and grow. We began to pray long and hard about whether it should be a child from an orphanage. A place of abandonment, a place of shame, fear and sorrow.
Through a series of events and hours of prayer we believe God did lead us to adopt a child. But not just any child. It was to be a child He picked out.
And then the real work , heartache, longing and difficulty after difficulty began. “Why God? If this is from You, is it so hard! Why all this paperwork and money and weeks and months of time? Could You really be leading? Wouldn't You please make this process a little bit easier?” These are the type of thoughts my husband and I had through out the adoption process. And as time past and the difficulties only increased we realized just how inadequate we were for this task. And it drove us to our knees even more. We have found that this is the best place to be! For we began to see even deeper glimpses of God's own adoption story of us. How difficult His journey has been. The work, the heartache, the longing, the difficulty after difficulty that He endured and is enduring for us.
We were able to meet our hoped for daughter in June. She immediately took to me. But having not been around men much, she was more shy around Trent. With longing in his heart, Trent and I specifically prayed that she would be more interactive and affectionate with him. That day when we went to visit, she hardly even looked at me but ran right up to Trent and threw her arms around him and said, “Hello Papa”.
Trent and I then had another glimpse of God's own feelings and experience when one of His children accepts His invitation and crys, “Abba Father!” (See Romans 8 and Galations 4)
After many more difficulties and delays, which were hard to understand and to endure, we were finally able to bring our daughter home from Russia, Dec 30, 2011. Her name is Zarina Grace. She is now 7 years old.
The name Zarina was her Russian name. It has three meanings. One means “gold”. The other meaning is “the wife of the Czar or King” And it can mean “Queen”. We gave her the name of Grace to compliment the first name and tell her adoption story. Not her earthly adoption story but her eternal adoption story. For isn't this what God wants for all of His adopted sons and daughters? To have His character perfectly reproduced in us and be refined as gold by His Grace? Hasn't He not only adopted us but wants us to be His bride? Doesn't He want us to reign with Him eternally?
We do not know the exact time our eternal adoption story will be complete and we can go home with our Heavenly Father. There are many difficulties and delays which we can not understand and it is even more difficult to endure. But the invitation to become the adopted children of God and to become His bride has been extended to each of us by His Grace and with His everlasting Love. Have we accepted this invitation? Oh how God must long to take away our shame, fear, and sorrow. I pray that each reading this will accept our Heavenly Father's invitation today!

Belonging

Belonging.... Such a nice comfy word.  Something I think all people want and need.  Belonging... Not every person experiences the warm and blessed comfortable feeling of belonging.  Have you seen them on the street?  Have you seen them on a park bench?  Have you heard their pleas for help?  Have you been in an orphanage and looked into the children's eyes?  The longing for something they don't have... The pleading for something they hope you can give them?  I have.  It doesn't matter if it is in the city, small town or the countryside.  It doesn't even matter what country you are in.  It doesn't matter if it is in an orphanage or a nursing home or walking along a sidewalk... There are pleading eyes and hands of many whether young or old, where ever you go.  

I've been to orphanages, nursing homes, parks, stores, street cornors and parking lots.  I've been to several other countries.  I've been all over our country.  I have experienced the raw emotions of the children, the elderly, the middle aged.  Their longing to belong to someone.

What am I doing about it?  What are you doing about it?  Do we hurry to the other side of the street?  Do we stop to look but without a word, move on?  Do we have a dozen excuses why we can't stop to help?

     "They will just use the money on drugs anyway."                                 

     "Those children are from another country.  We should only 

      help 'our own' children."

          "That place stinks.  I couldn't possibly go in there!"

     "I send money to _________ (fill in the name of some 

      organization)."

     "...."

Or do we stop to talk with them.  Ask their name?  Lay a hand on their shoulder.  Smile at them.  Do we ask their need?  Do we offer assistance... of any kind?

But we say,...

      "That takes time that I don't have..."

      "That feels so awkward..."

      "I don't have any money to waste...."

      "It is too sad to look into thier eyes...."

Yes.  Yes it does!

But isn't that what we have been given when we belong?  Time...money...emotional support?  Plus so much more? Hugs, prayers, shared tears, shared joys, advice, a time to be quiet but be together, a time to sing, dance, and be noisy?  And the list goes on!

Belonging...Do you belong?  

Gifts for Dads